"what!" said jack, saying "who talked?". He looked around like something scary behind him. Jack heard it again and looked up in the tree. Then he looked in the tree closer, and he could see a mouth so he went closer to the tree and there was a mouth there. The tree started to push in the haze and started to chase him so jack ran, ran and ran and it didn't stop chasing him. The tree almost ate him he got scared and worried so he kept running for a long time.
"hey" said jack "stop right there you are not going to eat me OK! so stop chasing me and get away" but he didn't listen. There came cops with lights. They knew that jack will be there so the tree ran away because he was very frighted of lights so he ran and ran and Jack went off. They all laughed and they all was happy so they went home all laughing being happy.
What an amazing story Hiria - you remember to use powerful words, paragraphs, dialogue, full stops and other punctuation (!!) and capital letters in the right place. 5 out of 5!
ReplyDeleteNext steps - in this story you have used the word "said" three times.
Said Jack
Said Jack
Said Jack
For your next story, try and think of some other ways he could of said it.
Maybe
Yelled Jack
Screamed Jack
Whispered Jack
Mumbled Jack
This will help show the feelings of your character.
Great story, so proud of you!
Kiaora Hiria, your story is an amazing one. I like writing scary stories as well. What do you think would've happened if it was you in the story?
ReplyDelete